Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Okay .... I get it

So I've figured out what I'm doing.  My heart has suffered a big loss.  I googled steps to healing after a trama.  Well...okay..... not getting our EP was not that big of a trama!  But in my mind it was, this is about me, how I'm dealing, how I'm making sense of this, etc.  This has nothing to do with everyone else.  And if some would soon realize, that when your first comment about something like this was about you, then judgement has no place here, it's not about you.  I'm sure some are asking themselves, what's the big deal,  why did she get so upset, she should have known there was a chance they wouldn't get it, it's only a few more months?  These types of thoughts have to do with your perception as though you were  the one dealing with this.  Not pointing fingers at all, just trying to make some understand  where I'm coming from. : )  I think  people today are too quick to judge someone in their situations, as though we are the ones dealing, when we're not.

So this is what I read first.


Stages of Grief
Elizabeth Kübler-Ross outlined five stages of grief. These include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. In the denial stage, you may be numb and think that what happened could not be real. In the angry stage you want to find blame or you feel resentful of those who seem to be enjoying life. When you are bargaining you want to make a deal; for example, you think of all the ways you would be a better person if the pain were to go away. With depression may come the thought, “Why should I go on now that my friend is dead?” You know acceptance happens when you feel more peaceful about the loss and you give up struggling to make things be different.


This makes total sense to me.  Of course, no one died, this situation  isn't about someone dying.  But,  I have gone through these steps, literally, which means, yes,  I feel I have lost something.  I know Aiden will be ours someday, but I have no idea when that day will come.  I'm in this..... for him.... we all are.  So yes, I get it.  



It will soon be about someone else.  And I will be there comforting, supporting, and not judging.   Sometimes people just want to be heard, recognized, validated.  I've realized in the last few years what true friendship is.  A friend is  someone that can listen to you, comfort you, support you, and  understand what you are going through.  Sometimes that's all we need is someone to listen and support.  We all deserve that! :)

3 comments:

  1. Leah, I just can't imagine the dissapointment and betrayal you must feel. Why would God not let you have what you need when you think you need it? I don't know, wish I did, but here is what I do know for a fact. The Bible says in Jeremiah 29: 11& 12, He has plans for you! Not to harm you, so in His plans He knows why, our job is to trust Him in all ways. His ways are higher than our Ways, He has a plan in this, try to hold on to what the Bible says, it is truth to you. I'm praying over you, so sorry to miss the shower, I was in quite a bit of pain Sunday from the bone marrow biopsy. And what you said was so true. Frieda

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  2. I am so sorry that anyone has made you feel badly for being sad. You have my continued prayers, and I'm always here if you want to talk. Love and hugs, Rebecca

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  3. Oh sweet friend. I will continue to lift you up in prayer. You are right, some people just don't get it...and that is ok. They also may never experience the wonderful joy that we are going to have when we hold our precious babies in our arms. I hope it wasn't anything that I have ever said...if it was...I apologize from the bottom of my heart.

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