All by himself ....

It's been 3 1/2 weeks since we got home.  Sleep, of course, has been the main issue.  Aiden will not let me out of his sight, which is typical.  He favors me, but I am his main caretaker too. :)  For the first 3 weeks, I was sleeping in Aiden's room with my mattress butted right up next to his crib mattress.  He slept pretty good, but still woke a lot most nights.  As of this past Saturday night, Aiden has been sleeping in his crib and in his room by himself! The first night he cried some when I put him down awake but it was less than 20 minutes, and he only woke twice maybe.  The second was even better, he only cried a couple of minutes when I put him down.  The third, he only cried  a minute and tonight he cried for about 45 seconds.  I'd say he's made major progress to be in his room for 4 days by himself at night.  He's only woke once or twice these nights, and I've not had to go in and help him get back to sleep at all.  

Since we came home, Aiden has tried to sleep the entire night, every night.  I was really surprised he wasn't awake the typical 3 am to 5 am time period every morning, like I've heard other AP's mention.  There were a few times he was awake during a night or two, but it wasn't very long each time.  Aiden would sit up, and flop back down in the other direction.  He would move around a lot, but he'd always lay back down and he even seemed frustrated quite a few times that he couldn't get back to sleep soon enough.  I have no idea if that's what it was, but it sure seemed like it.  When he's asleep and wakes up unexpectedly, he gets upset and tries his best to get comfortable and get back to sleep.  So, when I kept seeing this, I knew he would sleep much better in his bed and in his room all by himself!  He knew I was in his room, right next to him.  So if he woke, he knew I'd be right there to comfort him when he started to whine.   Since he's been in his room alone, he hasn't woke up but maybe once a night, and he soon goes back to sleep on his own.  I knew he could do it! I knew he wanted to do it, he just had to figure out how.

He knows when it's bed time.  He has his bath, then it's lotion, diaper, and pj time. Once that's done, he gets a bottle, sometimes he finishes it, and sometimes he'll push it away when he's had enough.  Then he sits up, turns towards me and is waiting for me to pick him and after I pick him up, he lays his head on my shoulder, as if to say, I'm ready for bed.  I walk him to his room, hold him for a minute, then lay him down. Now he doesn't want me to put him down of course, but I do. He cries immediately, but that cry has been less and less, under a minute and it's only been 4 nights! So I knew he was okay to sleep in his room on his own.

My little 'A' has done so well since we've brought him home.  I honestly was thinking the worst of everything. Just knew he'd cry and cry and cry with grief, but he hasn't.  He's been unhappy a few times where it looked like he was missing the familiars in his past.  I try my best to comfort him but give him a little space too.  I hold him when he wants to be held, which is most of the time. But there are times where he'll venture to another room, and after a few seconds I'll hear him whine and I'll call out to him to come back and he'll coming running to me arms stretched out and whimpering. It's really quite adorable! :) I'll hold him for a few seconds, then he'll get down and we'll play for a while.

He can point to his nose, when I say "nose". When I say toes he'll stick his foot in the air for me to tickle his foot and toes.  He'll drink whole milk or water out of a plastic cup and with a straw.  He doesn't like sippy cups. He really hates to have his diaper changed.  Sometimes I can keep him satisfied, but it's not often.  I just hurry as fast as I can and pick him up, then he's happy!  Sometimes after I pick him up, I'll rest my head against his and sometimes he'll rest his head on mine!  Melts my heart! :)

This child was shown more love and attention than I ever could have imagined!  Although he's very shy at first, he's warmed up to friends and family fairly quickly, but, he still knows who mama is! He is a complete joy!  Although the major clinging to me is hard sometimes, I know it won't last for long so I'm making the best of it.  Aiden knows who his family is and I'm so proud to call him my son! :)

It's a chocolate kind of day ....

2 1/2 weeks home and I'd say we're still doing good.  I can't seem to figure out the nights though.  Night before last, Aiden slept the entire night without crying to wake me.  I woke around 3-4 times anyway which is standard at this point.  Felt tired all through the day, which is standard for these days too! But Aiden was really tired yesterday all through the day too, after sleeping all night. I assumed he slept good since I didn't hear him cry.

So yesterday morning, I forgot to make Tay's  school lunch yesterday.  She's in fouth grade and has taken her lunch since Kindergarten, so that's basically 5 years I've made her school lunch.... every morning.  Yep, never thought about it till the phone rang at 8 am, Tay calling to say she didn't have her lunch.   Mike is working later this week, so he has been taking her to school.  I've been getting up to shower before him, so I can at least have a shower,  I don't function well with out a shower! So I made her lunch and wait a few hours to take it to her school.  So around 10 am, Aiden and I leave to run to Tay's school.  After 5 minutes in the car, he falls asleep..... really?  He slept through me getting him out of the car at school, walking into the building, dropping off Tay's lunch, putting him back in the car, driving home, and I put him down in his bed ...... still sleeping.  He's never done that, he's always woken up. Has sleep deprivation caught up with him maybe?  Well,  that 10 am nap lasted about an hour, and well, that was it for a nap yesterday.  He was so irritable, cranky, mad, ill,  and whatever else you call it for the rest of the day.  Could not get him to take another nap, he usually just takes one nap  midday.  I didn't want to put him down real early last night, we're trying to stay on a schedule, but looks like that was out the window at this point anyway.

Put him in the bathtub around 6:45, bottle at 7, and he passed out after that.  I went to bed around 10:30 and then the troubled night began.  At around 11:30 he decides, he's awake, flopping all over the bed, clapping his hands, making sounds, etc.  Aiden has been really good about staying in his bed the whole night, if he wakes, he'll try to go back to sleep, but he flops around in all different positions.  Well, at this point he's really awake, and after about an hour and a half, he'd had enough. Then he starts crying and is rolling all over me, like he's trying to find comfort, with me doing my best to comfort him lying down.  Trying my best to comfort him in bed and not picking him up.  He finally gets a little still and must have fallen asleep on me with me falling asleep too, I was laying on my back.  I awoke to him sliding off me to one side when I moved, then the crying began again.  I tried my best to comfort him without his music but it did not work.  Turned the music on and it helped calm him.  I dosed off again by this time it was 2 am maybe.

I'm really trying my best to figure him out.  I still can not leave a room with him in there, he freaks.  It's like he's taken a step back in progress.  He was glued to me this morning, I could not put him down for anything.  I finally got the carrier and put him in it to help Tay flat iron her hair.  And I saw real quick that he "needs" me big time today.  He's stayed really close to me, even wanting to be picked up a lot, which I do, because I know he needs/wants it.  I saw that he was getting sleepy at 9 am. I tried my best to hold him off till 11.  I fed him a snack and gave him a full bottle, and he passed out at 11:30.  After about 45 minutes in bed, he wakes crying, which is so normal.  I had to turn his music on again to help soothe him and get him back to sleep.  Tried without the music first, didn't work.

I know so many have said, "it's normal and it'll get better".  So what's happening here?  Does he not feel good, is it grief, should I just put him in his bed and let him cry it out.  He's so needy and I am so so SO tired!

Nap is over, crying again...

It's been 2 weeks ....

It's been 2 whole weeks since we brought Aiden home.  After reading lots and lots about transitioning little ones when they're brought home, I'd say our Aiden is doing really well.  Since day one with us, he has seemed pretty comfy with Mike and I.  Although, he seems to really want me for comfort most if not all the time. :)  He's not a laid back baby at all.  He's a little nervous,  has major crowd anxiety, and a little anxiety around new people.

He eats very well, okay seriously,  he LOVES to eat.  He likes most everything except baby food green beans, and of course likes most fruits, although peaches may not be a contender.  He loves to feed himself.... and Scooter, our house dog, so I have to keep an eye on him!  Along with eating a lot, he poops 3-4 times a day. Seriously?  There is nothing wrong with his GI track!

Aiden has lots of smiles for us during the day and a few laughs too.  He's very ticklish, and loves to be held....a lot!  He has ventured from the room I'm usually in, then realizes "where'd mom go!?" then comes racing back whining, gets to my feet, arms stretched up with the "pick me up" look, which is really adorable, so how could I not.  He likes to climb, point, play ball, aggravate Scooter, and go outside.

Naps are going okay.  He wakes whining, which will turn into crying very soon if I don't get to him quick enough, so I try to stay on my toes when he's sleeping.  So it's really hard for me to get into anything while he naps.  I never know if it's going to turn into a 2 hour nap or the 2 hour nap - waking every 30 minutes and me getting him back to sleep nap.

Night time has been a bit of a struggle.  Tried him in his crib first, screamed so  I just didn't feel it was time for that.  In Korea, Aiden slept on a mat on the floor with his Foster Mother.  So we moved a twin mattress and box springs in his room butted up next to his bed.  That worked for a week, then I'd had enough of sleep deprivation! This kid moves ... A LOT!  He thrashes around, kicks, flops his arms, etc.  Then I had the brain storm to take the front rail off his bed.  When you do that, it makes the crib a day bed and the twin mattress and his crib mattress are the exact same height.  Now Aiden sleeps in his crib with me on the twin mattress right next to him.  Some nights Aiden will sleep pretty good, and others he doesn't seem to sleep well at all.  He woke last night about 6-8 times.  Or so I thought he was awake. I'm beginning to think he's really alseep when he has an episode.  He'll start whining that will result in a full blown cry, tears and all, if I don't try and console him quickly.  The first week I was getting up and picking him up, then rocking him back to sleep, then laying him down.  Then realized a few days ago to just leave him laying down and console him that way.  I'll pat his rear end which works sometimes, other times I have to turn on his Korean lullaby music cd and cuddle him and he goes right back to sleep/gets quiet.  

Aiden does not like it when he sees me go into another room.  He starts whining, which escalates fast if I don't take him with me or come right back. When I do come right back I have to pick him up and after about 5 seconds he's good.  So I'm having a bit of a hard time being "needed" so much.  I knew it was going to be this way, but it's still hard.  Taylor is doing really well,  Aiden loves her and holds his arms for her to pick him up also.  Which she struggles with a little, but she can do it.  Told her it's building strong muscles for softball! ;)

We're in a good routine for the most part, night time especially.  Around 7 pm I'll get him in the bathtub, which he LOVES!!  I really have to watch him though, he'll try to get in the tub with all his clothes on. So while the tub is filing I'll get him undressed and then put him in.  He splashes so much, I'm almost as wet as he is, which cracks him up! :) He loves to have all his toys in the water with him, loves baths! After bath, pj's, and a bottle, he's ready for bed.  He really seems ready for bed these last couple of days, goes right to sleep, I even put him down sleepy but still awake and he drifted off to sleep. So progress is being made, even if it doesn't happen every night!

The things he doesn't like - getting his face wiped off after eating, diaper changes (unless I can keep him occupied with something till I'm done) and getting dressed. Luckily these things don't take long.

All in all we're adjusting.  At first I had a very hard time trying to balance everything, which I'm still trying to handle. ;)   My house is somewhat back in order, clothes get done when they can, dishes get washed when they can, but I'm learning how to balance.

I've been asked "when can we visit"?  Weekends seem to be a good time, plus morning before naps.  So if anyone wants to come visit, email me and we'll figure out a good time soon!  I'd like to space out visits as to not overload Aiden.  I'm really into making this his home and a safe place for him.  One thing I will say about Aiden,  follow his lead. :)

Okay nap time is over... more later... :)

Day 6 in Seoul ..... last day

The last day in Seoul was a sad one for me.  Aiden slept okay, still exhausted from his big change I guess.  We woke, showered, went downstairs to eat breakfast.  When we finished, went back to our room to try and pack. Since we didn't have all that stuff coming back home, I was able to put one of our carry-ons inside the big black suitcase, yeah,  one less bag! :)  Over the next couple of hours I seemed to get all our things packed, got A's big blue bag ready for our long trip home.

Check out time was 12:00.  So at 12:00 we went downstairs to check out, but our driver would not arrive for 2 more hours, so we went back to the second floor lounge area to hang out.  After checking email and my Facebook, of course (still not addicted!), chillin for a while, it was finally getting close to 2:00, so we headed downstairs to wait for our driver.  This picture was in the lobby of the Somerset.  Her eyes are an atomic bomb exploding - kind of weird.

At 5 minutes till 2 he arrived.  We loaded our bags, got in, and we were off, headed to the airport to go home.

It only took about 45 minutes to get to the airport from our hotel! Yeah, he drove fast! So we got to the airport really early for our 7:15pm flight.  So we just chilled out for a while, tried to relax, etc.  Aiden was doing really good, he slept on the way to the airport.  We checked in and then found our gate.  Aiden was in a good mood, playing, smiling, laughing, but boy he was heavy! :)

Here's our big bird that's going to take us home! (at this point I was really dreading the long flight!)  I had no idea how Aiden was going to act on the flight, would he sleep, would he cry the whole time, etc? 

It finally was time to board the plane, 7 pm.  We got on, settled in, and Aiden fell asleep after a little bit of crying.  As we were taking off, I became overcome with sadness. Aiden was leaving his birth country, everything he's every known, and everyone who loved him was being left behind.  I didn't cry although I teared up. I soon relaxed and was really glad to be going home.   Long story short, he slept 12 hours of the 13 hour flight! But Mike and I didn't sleep at all.  Aiden was sprawled out across our laps sleeping, practically the whole time.  I was so thankful for that, but would have killed for a bed too!  At  one point Mike and I got up and went to the bathroom, I changed Aiden, which he didn't like at all, but when we got back to our seats, he fell asleep again - thank you lord! :)  At one point during the flight there was a little boy, maybe 3 that was having a hard time. He kept saying, "mommy, mommy, mommy!" and with each "mommy" he got louder and louder.  His mother was trying her best to make him comfortable, but then the stewardess' came by  to see if they could help.  I was so thankful Aiden slept most of the way - BIG RELIEF!! :) 

Mike and I did okay on the long flight, considering we didn't have any sleep.  About an hour outside of Atlanta, I started to feel bad, my sinuses had bugged me the whole flight and then I started to get a sinus headache, bad enough my teeth started to ache.  I did remember to pack sinus headache med.  Aiden woke up by this point and was fully awake, hands into everything.  So the last hour wasn't good for me at all, since I was feeling really bad at this point.  Jetlag, sleep deprivation, sick, I felt really bad, Mike was doing okay, but not 100 % by any means. 

Mike followed the flight all the way home. Great tail wind!! :)

We arrived in Altanta, very tired,  Aiden was still doing good, got him in the carrier, Mike got our bags in hand and we got off the plane in Atlanta!! Yah - US ground never felt so good, or so I thought!  Let me just say this - ATLANTA AIRPORT SUX!!!!!!!!   We got in line to check in. There must have been 2 or 3 other planes that arrived when ours did, there were at least 500 people standing in the US passport line and Foreign passport line.  Aiden soon started crying at this point.  He was surrounded by people, something I learned quick he did not like! I got some snacks out of my bag and soon fed him some. That worked for a while, then the crying started again.  I felt so bad for him, but that line was so long, it was hot in there, and we'd not had any sleep.  It was awful! A lady was checking passports 3 or 4 turns in line before people got to the customs counter.  When we finally got to her, she checked our passports and pulled us out of line, got another worker and asked us to follow him.  Okay, what the heck?  He soon lead us to the front of the line!  Okay, bless this woman and man that worked there!  They were saviors, everyone else - was not!!  When we finally got to the counter, the guy checking us in was a complete jerk.  If he'd worked any slower, I would have fallen asleep!  He asked where we came from, we told him South Korea, he asked what we were doing there, I pointed to Aiden and said adoption. He then proceeded to ask us, kind of cocky,  "so how much does it cost to adopt these days? What? $30,000 $40,000?"  Seriously?!?!?! Did I just hear him corrrectly?!?  I spoke up quickly,"  HOW MUCH DOES ANY CHILD COST THESE DAYS!"  He didn't say much after that.  He told us we needed to go to the immigration room after leaving his counter and pointed to where we needed to go.

Now,  we get to this office and the room is full, full of all nationalities.  We waited there for 30 minutes, and the 3 people that worked behind that desk were absolutely ridiculous!!  They were so rude to these people!  They really were insulting, degrading, and  abusive to everyone, like we were all stupid or something!  Mike about lost it.  We were worried about our luggage, would it still be there, did we need to go find it?  What were we supposed to do?  Aiden was fine.  I changed his diaper, his clothes and then changed his diaper again!  I felt like smashing his dirty one in one lady's face, she was the worst one of all the 3 workers! They all talked down to everyone.  Mike went to ask the lady if we should go check about our luggage.  She didn't even acknowledge him at the counter and said something really rude, "if you have a question about luggage, you need to go ask them down there!"  I thought Mike was going to lose it, I've never seen him that mad. They finally called us and we got out of there as fast as we could.  We went down to baggage claim and a nice lady had already wrote our gate number on our luggage and told us where to go.  We went through another line, got to the security check, I had to take Aiden out of his carrier, take my shoes off, check everything and then put it all back on.  We finally found our gate, I sat down, and we had 15minutes till boarding our plane bound for Nashville!  We actually had a 3 1/2 layover in Atlanta, yes, it took us 3 hours to  get to our final gate to board our plane!  Never have I ever been so exhausted, mad, frustrated, and sick! I can not begin to tell you how we felt!

We boarded our plane to Nashville, Aiden fell asleep again.  It was in the air 30 minutes then down we went.  Yes, Nashville! We're home!  We found our luggage, walked a little further and there they all were, our family and friends!  I lost it at that point, tears flowed like a river!  I'd held it back for a week, and then it all came out. We'd been up for over 24 hours with no sleep, got shuffled through Atlanta's mess, then we were home.  I don't have all the pictures from family and friends, but here's a few.

Aiden sees his big sister for the first time! 

              My dad, the biggest supporter of all! :)

Day 5 in Seoul ....

Day 5 and we'd had Aiden going on 2 days.  All in all he seemed better than I was expecting, really! We'd woke up around 6 am, which Aiden's foster mom said he slept from 9:30 till 6:30 am.  He feel asleep earlier than 9:30, so 6 am was great! Mike and I took turns showering, and then we headed down to breakfast,  I fed Aiden some baby food before we went down, just in case he wouldn't eat some of their breakfast items.

I soon found out, this little cuties loves to eat, and he can put it away! :) We headed down to breakfast and saw some bananas.  Oh, how he loves bananas!

These stacking cups were a life saver.  Aiden loved them! Whoever suggested them on the Korean BB - thanks! ;)  After we played a little, we got ready and went downstairs to get a taxi, we were going to the Seoul Tower! Spare you all the hooplah and show pictures! :)

And of course we had our lock and put it on the fence.  Aiden had fallen asleep on the way to the Seoul Tower, so he slept through most of it.

Needless to say the  view up there was amazing.  Unfortunately, we didn't go to the top of the tower.  Aiden was sleeping, and my back was really hurting carrying him. 23 lbs gets a little heavy after a lot of walking! :)

Taylor would have loved this.  We noticed a sign that said no pictures, but other Koreans were taking pictures, so we did...shhhhh!;)

        Then we rode the cable car down.

When we got off the cable car, down the hill, there was this box escalator that took people down to the main street. Odd, but neat nonetheless!

We soon found a taxi and Mike told the driver to take us to a certain place.  Our iPod quit working on Day 4! Not sure what happened, but it wouldn't turn on.  I was so bummed  - it was our life line through our whole trip, phone contact with Taylor, etc!  Here's how we'd charge it in the room.

Skype - what an awesome thing on an iPod! 

Looks crazy but this thing was a jewel - till it dumped on us!  So after we left the Seoul Tower, Mike had a little adventure up his sleeve.  He'd asked the front desk if there was an "Apple" store near.  She told him about one place we could find one.  The taxi driver dropped us off and pointed in the direction we needed to go.  We found it a few hundred feet later!  Mike took our iPod  into a computer store and told them, "no work".  The young guy said, "dead battery?" Mike said "No!"  The young guy plugged it up to a laptop sitting there and voila!  It re-booted!  Awesome day!  Mike tried to offer the young guy money, and he smiled and refused, we thanked him royally and moved on.  We walked a ways and saw a big yellow "M".  Mike's not one to eat McDonalds but we were starving and it did fine! We both had a Big Mac, and I must say it was good!!!!!  We got another taxi and went back to the hotel, very very tired after that.  Aiden was tired too, but he was being so silly in the taxi on the way back! :)