August 19, 2011

So this past Friday was my birthday, August 19, 2011.  I turned 41 years old.  Not a big deal, felt just like last year, and the year before that.  Age is a state of mind you know! ;) So I'm feeling pretty good about being in my 40's.  But this year was a little different.  I woke up, and as I usually think to myself when I get up, "what day is it?" I remembered after I realized it was a Friday that, oh yeah, it's my birthday.  I showered, fixed Tay's lunch for school, and sat down at my laptop till time for the kiddos to get up. As I'm scanning FB, email, and blogs, I thought about it being my birthday.

So as I'm sitting in my kitchen, I think of Aiden.  At that very moment I had a heavy feeling of loss come over me. It was very heavy and went straight to my heart.  I felt so bad for Aiden, what he has had to lose to get to where he was.  And as I'm thinking of him, I begin to understand where these feelings were coming from. 41 years ago, my birth mother made a very hard decision to put me up for adoption.  And 41 years ago, my mom and dad adopted me.    I too had suffered a major loss.  And as I'm tearing up from the weight of the loss, I realized it was me that was realizing my loss, not just Aiden's. It was like a cloud that had cleared, I could see through the fog, everything just clicked. Talk about an a-ha moment!

This is the very first picture my parents saw of me. I was 8 weeks old.

This is me when my adoptive parents first brought me home. The year was Oct. 1970.  I was 9 weeks old.

I was 3 months old here.

When I was little, my birthdays were always happy times, party with family, slumber party with friends, etc. As I got older, my birthdays weren't quite as happy.  I think I went through the resentment stage, anger stage, you name it, I probably felt it on or around my birthday.  I never really understood exactly what my birth mother possibly would have felt, till this past Friday.  I realized that every year on August 19th, my birth mother probably  remembered her loss.  I never really got it, till this year.  How could I not see her loss too?  I felt very selfish at that moment too, all these years of only thinking of myself on my birthday.

I don't know if I ever would have realized this if Aiden wasn't here with me.  This little guy,

is my savior. He is teaching me so much about myself.  He was destined to be with me and my family from the very beginning.  I never knew the impact he would have on my life and my families lives till now.  So through the years when Aiden's birthday comes around, I will always remember his birth mother, her loss, and her gift to us. I will always say a prayer thanking her for Aiden and hope that she has peace in her heart.  And as my birthday rolls around from this day forward, I will say a prayer for my birth mother also, thanking her for my life, and hope that she has peace in her heart, just as I have now.     

Feet ...

Before school started for this young lady,

I took the kiddos to get some shoes, Tay needed tennis shoes for school and Aiden needed some tennis shoes for fall.  Found some for Tay  no problem. So as I'm looking at the little boys shoes, I picked out a few pairs and tried them on him.  Okay, I tried  to try them on him! My boy has some big feet! 

Maybe it's not that they're that big, it's just they're w-i-d-e.  Technically, he would wear a 5-1/2.  I could not get his foot in a regular 5-1/2 shoe! Oh yeah, they make wide shoes for toddlers, hence the big "W" on the box, nice!  Wow, it's so different shopping for a boy.  I've had 10 years shopping for a girl, still trying to get use to the shopping for a boy thing. I still want to go pink, purple, and cute! :) 

So, I found a pair of WIDE's in 5-1/2.  Still could not get his foot in there.  Okay, so I'm thinking what's the deal?  Is he crinkling up his toes in there? Are they getting bunched up? I was almost breaking a sweat trying to get his foot in them! Didn't work, so I moved up a half size.  Found a pair of 6's in a WIDE.   These little buggers! I had to undue the velcro strap and then put his foot in there.  They're a little big and they make his feet look huge, but they fit! So Aiden is the proud (haha) owner of a pair of Nike tennis shoes! :)

So my boy has WIDE feet.  I have to say, I was dying to see  his sweet little feet when we got back to the hotel in Seoul.  We were changing his clothes and I cupped his cute little feet in my hands. Made my heart melt.  The first time I saw his cute, chubby feet was in this photo. 

I knew he had the cutest feet from this photo, the very first photo I saw of him! And what I love most about his feet is when we're in the car, Aiden will whine a little, I'll glance back at him, he'll stick out his left foot, I'll cup his cute little foot in my hand,  rub it, and hold it.  He loves for me to do this.  When I do this for him, I see complete comfort come over his face and he totally relaxes. Just melts a mamma's heart! :)

For Melissa ...

Being an AP on Facebook certainly has it's privileges these days.  So when I come across an Adoptive Parent who lives here in Tennessee,  I send a friend request.  I love to find out who has adopted precious little ones from South Korea that lives here in Tennessee or surrounding states.  I've come across one special lady.  Her name is Melissa. She lives here in TN and not far from me actually.  She has two beautiful children, her and her husband adopted from Korea.  You see, Melissa is battling cancer.  I don't know all the specifics, but it's very serious and this special lady is a trooper! I hope she doesn't mind this, but you can check out her blog here.

An AP on FB contacted a  few other AP's with an idea for a project.  We were asked to send a picture with a special message for Melissa and she would put them all together in a video. Well, the list of AP's just grew and grew.  Check out this video Michelle put together for Melissa  here. (Tissues not included!) :)