Everyone liked their stocking. It'll be a great tradition from now on.....
Merry Christmas!!
Monday, December 20, 2010
A good time by all....
Last night was our Cousin's Christmas. A good time was had by all......even me! :) I'm so thankful for all of my family. It doesn't get any better then them!
Everyone liked their stocking. It'll be a great tradition from now on.....
Merry Christmas!!
Everyone liked their stocking. It'll be a great tradition from now on.....
Merry Christmas!!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Tonight is the night....
Tonight is the night. It's our Cousin's Christmas at our house! I'm looking forward to it - can you believe that!? I'm actually looking forward to something - HA! Tonight we're starting a whole new tradition with these:
I've got my stocking stuffer presents for the whole family. I've got my Kentucky Legend ham in the fridge, going to make some sweets, and have a good time tonight. I am so thankful to have all of my family coming here for our Cousin's Christmas. Although Aiden is not here, and I'm sure I'll be thinking of him tonight, but this will be THE LAST Christmas without him! I feel like I've said that the past 3 years, so I really hope it is!
Friday, December 17, 2010
My door is opened....
Just went and picked up Tay from her last day at school for this year. WOW.... her last day of school for this year .... 2010 school year .....she'll go back to school in 2011 .....January 5th, 2011 will be her first day .... I feel like I'm in shock. I'm just not getting it. Half her 4th grade school year is over. Where has this year gone to? Is that really when she'll go back? It's what the school calender says. So why can't I get it? Huh? I'm just not feeling it today....
What I'm really feeling today, is for it to be a total zone out, shut down, out of order, come talk to me when it's 2011 day. I've been feeling this for a while now. I've joked on Facebook about needing a Netflix day, but in all seriousness, I really want it! I love the thought of watching movies all day, zoning out, vegging out, and boycotting literally everything. But do I need to do that?
I've stayed busy with my projects, which have really helped me, since I'm not working this month. But, geez, there are still those days where I want to crawl in a hole and make the world go away. I'm one of those moms that needs the break every now and then. I'm not the seemingly happy all the time, cope with anything, charge forward woman. I may seem that way on the outside or I may not. It's hard for me to see what other people see. My perceptions are so wrong sometimes. There's so much there, but so buried....
At church Sunday, Bro Bill asked everyone to bow their heads. He started speaking about Christmas and Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus. And somewhere in his speaking he in turn was asking us, what are we dealing with, have we had a rough year, have we felt troubled. I could not hold back the tears. AND I am not the "cry in public" person AT ALL! My face looks like I've been in a boxing ring when that happens! All I could think was thank goodness everyone's heads were bowed in prayer. This feeling comes over me in church sometimes, but what he was saying really spoke to me and it was so overwhelming I could not hold it back. I wanted to get up and go out to get myself together, but did not want to draw attention to myself. Because I knew, if I stepped out, the flood gates would open and there's no reeling all that back in! So I sat there, wiping the tears as quietly as I could. Luckily, the pews had boxes of tissues, so I grabbed one and wiped and by then prayer was over.
So instead of wanting to zone out and shut down, this is what I'm feeling. Yes, this is one of those days again. Everything is still on hold, my feelings, just about every emotion I could feel for Aiden's adoption, and I am so scared that when it finally comes down to getting the call and going to get him, I will be in utter shock. The kind of shock that'll put me in a comatose state of mind, fixed stare, drool running out of my mouth, can't move, can't talk, can't think, somebody-slap-me-back-to-reality kind of shock! How am I going to do this? How am I going to bring back all these emotions and thoughts that I keep buried because my mind won't let me think and feel because it's too hard to do right now. It's going to be a flood gate opening. And I'm also afraid that when I finally meet Aiden and hold him and look at him, it's ALL going to come up and out - yes Rachel said it first - the UGLY CRY! And we all know what that is! For some reason, I can't deal with just a little of it. It's all forced back down, till it comes running out of me like a bull in a rodeo and there's no stopping it either.
I came to a realization a few years ago, actually with the help of Jessica at Holt, I have a major problem trusting people, dealing with the death of someone close to me, and letting myself 'feel and deal'. I built a wall around my heart many years ago once I learned how and it's so very hard to try to let that wall down. I've felt so betrayed and devastated at times in my life and when those times happened it hurt so bad, so my heart said never again. And with my trust issues, death issues, and feeling issues, I really think it all comes down to being adopted. I've been told I did not display tantrums or have major anxiety, go figure. Then all these past experiences came up and it made so much sense. When the EP mess happened I was so devastated. I posted on this blog how I had to "feel to heal". So that's what I did. Baby steps....baby steps. And I think I dealt with that. It really helped to get it all down here and out.
So all this to say, I'm a work in progress. My door is opened. Whether I'll walk through it every time, is a mystery and a challenge. I'll take a step out every now and again so each step will get me a little further. I've never claimed to be perfect, but for the sake of my family, I am trying really hard to be REAL. Aiden will know how much I love him, he will know where he comes from and who his family is. We will be supportive and there for him. Although Aiden and I come from such different backgrounds and circumstances, we will have the bond of adoption. We will walk through life together as a family dealing, feeling, loving, and living, my door is opened...
What I'm really feeling today, is for it to be a total zone out, shut down, out of order, come talk to me when it's 2011 day. I've been feeling this for a while now. I've joked on Facebook about needing a Netflix day, but in all seriousness, I really want it! I love the thought of watching movies all day, zoning out, vegging out, and boycotting literally everything. But do I need to do that?
I've stayed busy with my projects, which have really helped me, since I'm not working this month. But, geez, there are still those days where I want to crawl in a hole and make the world go away. I'm one of those moms that needs the break every now and then. I'm not the seemingly happy all the time, cope with anything, charge forward woman. I may seem that way on the outside or I may not. It's hard for me to see what other people see. My perceptions are so wrong sometimes. There's so much there, but so buried....
At church Sunday, Bro Bill asked everyone to bow their heads. He started speaking about Christmas and Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus. And somewhere in his speaking he in turn was asking us, what are we dealing with, have we had a rough year, have we felt troubled. I could not hold back the tears. AND I am not the "cry in public" person AT ALL! My face looks like I've been in a boxing ring when that happens! All I could think was thank goodness everyone's heads were bowed in prayer. This feeling comes over me in church sometimes, but what he was saying really spoke to me and it was so overwhelming I could not hold it back. I wanted to get up and go out to get myself together, but did not want to draw attention to myself. Because I knew, if I stepped out, the flood gates would open and there's no reeling all that back in! So I sat there, wiping the tears as quietly as I could. Luckily, the pews had boxes of tissues, so I grabbed one and wiped and by then prayer was over.
So instead of wanting to zone out and shut down, this is what I'm feeling. Yes, this is one of those days again. Everything is still on hold, my feelings, just about every emotion I could feel for Aiden's adoption, and I am so scared that when it finally comes down to getting the call and going to get him, I will be in utter shock. The kind of shock that'll put me in a comatose state of mind, fixed stare, drool running out of my mouth, can't move, can't talk, can't think, somebody-slap-me-back-to-reality kind of shock! How am I going to do this? How am I going to bring back all these emotions and thoughts that I keep buried because my mind won't let me think and feel because it's too hard to do right now. It's going to be a flood gate opening. And I'm also afraid that when I finally meet Aiden and hold him and look at him, it's ALL going to come up and out - yes Rachel said it first - the UGLY CRY! And we all know what that is! For some reason, I can't deal with just a little of it. It's all forced back down, till it comes running out of me like a bull in a rodeo and there's no stopping it either.
I came to a realization a few years ago, actually with the help of Jessica at Holt, I have a major problem trusting people, dealing with the death of someone close to me, and letting myself 'feel and deal'. I built a wall around my heart many years ago once I learned how and it's so very hard to try to let that wall down. I've felt so betrayed and devastated at times in my life and when those times happened it hurt so bad, so my heart said never again. And with my trust issues, death issues, and feeling issues, I really think it all comes down to being adopted. I've been told I did not display tantrums or have major anxiety, go figure. Then all these past experiences came up and it made so much sense. When the EP mess happened I was so devastated. I posted on this blog how I had to "feel to heal". So that's what I did. Baby steps....baby steps. And I think I dealt with that. It really helped to get it all down here and out.
So all this to say, I'm a work in progress. My door is opened. Whether I'll walk through it every time, is a mystery and a challenge. I'll take a step out every now and again so each step will get me a little further. I've never claimed to be perfect, but for the sake of my family, I am trying really hard to be REAL. Aiden will know how much I love him, he will know where he comes from and who his family is. We will be supportive and there for him. Although Aiden and I come from such different backgrounds and circumstances, we will have the bond of adoption. We will walk through life together as a family dealing, feeling, loving, and living, my door is opened...
Thursday, December 16, 2010
For sale.....
My Korean flag ornament
Okay, so I had other plans for these, but changed my mind and thought some of you would like to have one, since the other some of you liked them so much. Thanks, by the way! ;) I am selling 5 Korean flag ornaments I've made. How much you ask? $6.00 a piece, so the next 5 people that leave a comment below will be the proud owner of your very own Korean flag ornament. These were hand made from clay and hand painted. If you haven't received one, and would like to buy one, leave a comment! We'll talk! ;)
I really enjoyed making these. This was time well spent waiting for our Aiden to come home to us. I really don't know what I would have done if I did not have this project to keep me occupied - probably have gone coocoo, not that I haven't gotten half way there! Seriously!!
It really meant so much to me to hear how others really like and enjoy their ornaments. I love doing things for people, helping out, and I love this time of year - usually! Waiting for Aiden has been a very long long journey, and it's still not over yet. He's in Korea still, growing, laughing, playing. I can not even imagine how it's going to be when we're making plans to go get him! Really I can't. I don't know how I'm going to react. I am so glad Mike, the hubs, is with me on this. He is my rock, my solid ground I walk on, if it was not for him, I would not be who I am. I am so happy to know he supports Tay and me 100%. We are a family of three, soon to be four. I have no idea how the future will pan out. To tell the truth, it kind of scares me, but life is good and about to be even better! ;)
Friday, December 10, 2010
FINISHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rachel, you were right - STOCKINGS!! ;)
So, here's what I've been working on for the past 2 weeks: Project #1
All 23 of them!! Okay...now that you've seen the picture, I'll explain the whole story.
My grandmother had a tradition many years ago, which may have been before I was born, I'm not sure. All the family would go to her house on Dec. 25th, Christmas night for dinner and gift giving. She had stockings for all of us, which she made. My grandmother was a sewing queen, she did every kind of craft known to woman, she was a "crafty" wonder! There wasn't a craft this woman couldn't do! So each year we'd gather at my Me Maw's house on Christmas evening. I can remember as a child, that was my favorite part of Christmas (besides Christmas morning of course!) was going to my grandparents house with all of the family for Christmas dinner and of course - those stockings!
Last year my cousin Deb had the idea of starting the tradition of "stockings as gift giving" at our house for our "Cousins Christmas". We made due with what stockings we could find last year, so now it's December of this year. Since we missed the quota for the EP's, which meant Aiden couldn't come home this year. I had the whole month of December to do nothing but watch the clock click.....one....... number .......at........ a........ time! Oh my, I've got to come up with something to do! Yeah......I'll make new stockings for everyone!
I thought, great idea! (enter happy dance!) So I sent an email to my two cousins that help with coordinating our "Cousins Christmas" every year. They thought it was a good idea. Yah, now.... how on earth am I gonna make new stockings without it being expensive?! I needed to make 22 stockings!! That's a lot of fabric, so I asked my cousins what I should make them out of. My cousin sent a reply back - "Use quilts". OMGOODNESS, that was an awesome idea! And, what's ironic about these stockings is two of the quilts I used, my Me Maw made many many years ago. Plus, one other quilt was made by my other grandmother, many many years ago.
I started out with a quilt, traced a stocking, then cut it out.
I bought some fabric at Hobby Lobby (love me some Hobby Lobby!!). Cut it into strips and took it to Monogramming by Sherri, local retailer who does monogramming - who gave me a great deal, thanks! ;)
Then I attached the fabric with the names on them to one side, then the blank one to the other side. Inverted them and sewed them together with my sewing machine.
Everyone in my family will have new stockings for Christmas at my house this year! :)
Another thing that's great about this, every year I get those stockings out, I'll remember what I did to pass the time....waiting for Aiden to come home. Sweet!
Oh btw, there is one extra one without a name. That's for whoever ends up at our house for Christmas, so no one is left out! Everybody gets something at our house on Christmas!
So, here's what I've been working on for the past 2 weeks: Project #1
My grandmother had a tradition many years ago, which may have been before I was born, I'm not sure. All the family would go to her house on Dec. 25th, Christmas night for dinner and gift giving. She had stockings for all of us, which she made. My grandmother was a sewing queen, she did every kind of craft known to woman, she was a "crafty" wonder! There wasn't a craft this woman couldn't do! So each year we'd gather at my Me Maw's house on Christmas evening. I can remember as a child, that was my favorite part of Christmas (besides Christmas morning of course!) was going to my grandparents house with all of the family for Christmas dinner and of course - those stockings!
Last year my cousin Deb had the idea of starting the tradition of "stockings as gift giving" at our house for our "Cousins Christmas". We made due with what stockings we could find last year, so now it's December of this year. Since we missed the quota for the EP's, which meant Aiden couldn't come home this year. I had the whole month of December to do nothing but watch the clock click.....one....... number .......at........ a........ time! Oh my, I've got to come up with something to do! Yeah......I'll make new stockings for everyone!
I thought, great idea! (enter happy dance!) So I sent an email to my two cousins that help with coordinating our "Cousins Christmas" every year. They thought it was a good idea. Yah, now.... how on earth am I gonna make new stockings without it being expensive?! I needed to make 22 stockings!! That's a lot of fabric, so I asked my cousins what I should make them out of. My cousin sent a reply back - "Use quilts". OMGOODNESS, that was an awesome idea! And, what's ironic about these stockings is two of the quilts I used, my Me Maw made many many years ago. Plus, one other quilt was made by my other grandmother, many many years ago.
I started out with a quilt, traced a stocking, then cut it out.
I bought some fabric at Hobby Lobby (love me some Hobby Lobby!!). Cut it into strips and took it to Monogramming by Sherri, local retailer who does monogramming - who gave me a great deal, thanks! ;)
Then I attached the fabric with the names on them to one side, then the blank one to the other side. Inverted them and sewed them together with my sewing machine.
Everyone in my family will have new stockings for Christmas at my house this year! :)
Another thing that's great about this, every year I get those stockings out, I'll remember what I did to pass the time....waiting for Aiden to come home. Sweet!
Oh btw, there is one extra one without a name. That's for whoever ends up at our house for Christmas, so no one is left out! Everybody gets something at our house on Christmas!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Project #2
15 down......7 more to go....
Here's a recap of the hints:
#1 It's recycled.
#2 They come in all shapes, colors, and sizes at Christmas time.
#3 They have names on them.
Oh yeah....the last one is new, hint #3. : )
Here's a recap of the hints:
#1 It's recycled.
#2 They come in all shapes, colors, and sizes at Christmas time.
#3 They have names on them.
Oh yeah....the last one is new, hint #3. : )
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Never been one for being Wordless... and yes it's Wednesday
Okay, project #2 is finished. I had started on Project #1 a couple of weeks ago. Part 2 of Project #1 had to be done somewhere else, by someone else. So when I got the call that they were done, picked them up, brought them home, and there they sat for another week till I finished Project #2. Project #2 was fun, but after making quite a few, whew, little tired of hand painting! For some reason, this site won't let me upload some pictures today, so it's not a Wordless Wednesday with tons of pictures...and there are words (duh Leah.) Don't ya just love technology - when it works! Uggg!
Okay............so I'm not a quitter! I figured out another way to post Project #2, yes, sometimes I like technology.....when it works, for me. So if you saw/read my last post it was about the Korean flag ornament I made. I sent one to Paula as a thank you, who at this very moment, is on pins and needles. Paula and her family are now waiting for Zoe's paperwork to get fiinshed in South Korea so she can be ready to travel, which could be any day now!! I'm so excited for her and her family! Just look at this little cutie!
Paula just received this picture yesterday of Zoe! That Travel Call can not come soon enough for her - hang on Paula, it's coming! Paula is taking a few things to Aiden for us when they travel to Korea to get their girl- which I am so very thankful for - THANK YOU P! : ) This will be care package #3 - yes, #3!
I have always worried if Aiden's care packages got to him. We didn't get a picture of Aiden with his 1st care package, but I'm sure he got it. The 2nd was this one we just received:
Our little guy is growing up so fast! :(
I was a little apprehensive on how to start Project #1, how to put it together, and just plain ole "HOW" do I do this?? I started on them yesterday, didn't have a clue, but knew I really needed to get going on these! I've got 22 + "things" to make between now until the Sunday before Christmas,which is our Cousin's Christmas party, where ALL my family gets together for our Christmas. And, for the past few years, we've been getting together at our house, so bring it on!!
Yesterday, I finished 7 of Project #1 and still need to complete 15 more - wow - that sounds intimidating! Seriously? What else is there to do till Christmas!? So I'd better get off of here and get to it!! Oh...........
for any of you that want Hint #2: #1 It's recycled #2 They come in all shapes, colors, and sizes at Christmas time.
Okay............so I'm not a quitter! I figured out another way to post Project #2, yes, sometimes I like technology.....when it works, for me. So if you saw/read my last post it was about the Korean flag ornament I made. I sent one to Paula as a thank you, who at this very moment, is on pins and needles. Paula and her family are now waiting for Zoe's paperwork to get fiinshed in South Korea so she can be ready to travel, which could be any day now!! I'm so excited for her and her family! Just look at this little cutie!
Paula just received this picture yesterday of Zoe! That Travel Call can not come soon enough for her - hang on Paula, it's coming! Paula is taking a few things to Aiden for us when they travel to Korea to get their girl- which I am so very thankful for - THANK YOU P! : ) This will be care package #3 - yes, #3!
I was a little apprehensive on how to start Project #1, how to put it together, and just plain ole "HOW" do I do this?? I started on them yesterday, didn't have a clue, but knew I really needed to get going on these! I've got 22 + "things" to make between now until the Sunday before Christmas,which is our Cousin's Christmas party, where ALL my family gets together for our Christmas. And, for the past few years, we've been getting together at our house, so bring it on!!
Yesterday, I finished 7 of Project #1 and still need to complete 15 more - wow - that sounds intimidating! Seriously? What else is there to do till Christmas!? So I'd better get off of here and get to it!! Oh...........
for any of you that want Hint #2: #1 It's recycled #2 They come in all shapes, colors, and sizes at Christmas time.
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