10 years ago today....

10 years ago this very day at 3 am, a little baby woke me up to say,  "it's time mommie"!  So off to the hospital we went.  I can't believe it's been 10 years with our precious girl.  Time flies by faster every year.  I can not put into words what she means to me.  When I look at her, I can not believe she's mine, she is a product of me,  I did that? Well suffice to say, I had a little help, but seriously, I provided for her, she grew in me. Wow....

I didn't always feel that way though. I was scared to death of her when she was born.  Giving birth to her was very traumatic for me, although I didn't know that at the time. The epidural ran out at the last 10 minutes, which was probably part of the trauma I think.   I don't know how to explain it or how to make you understand it.  I think I was in shock more or less in the hospital.  I was going through the motions of sorts but wasn't really grasping what was really happening.  Looking back now  I wished I had the insight to say, I need help with this, and by this, I mean my emotions, thoughts, feelings, and just admitting I was just plum scared out of my mind!  I think my way of dealing was to just numb out,  shut down, turn it off, and I was almost numb to it all.  When I  look back now, I didn't have many emotions going into it, just fear, but I didn't realize it either.  So yeah,  having her was almost an outer body experience, if you will.  I saw everything happening,  it's almost like it wasn't happening to me, like I was watching it happen to someone else - weird I know.  There wasn't this happy crying loving look on my face I know.  After she was finally born, all I felt like doing was cry and to get out of there, like it was too much.  My body was in shock, I couldn't cry or run away,  I was stuck there with this doctor I'd never met (my doctor was out of town), nurses I didn't know (the nurses I'd come to recognize all day had gone home 2 hours earlier, end of their shift).

So yeah,  I think having her was my greatest accomplishment.  Of course I can say that now!  But another weird thing is, she's the only blood relative I know.  After she was born,  I'd have to remind myself, she was mine.  It's like I kept waiting for someone to come get her and take her back where she belonged.  It must of still been the shock part.  But that feeling is gone now.  I know she's mine!  God help her, she's got  a lot of my qualities, but a lot of her dads too, the good ones at least!  She's smart, common sensed like the dickens, (she had no choice on that one, I promise you!) She's crafty, won several ribbons for her creative drawings, paintings, and sculptures in her school and county.  I am so proud of my girl!

So today was her 10th birthday.  I wanted this birthday to be extra special.  It will be her last birthday being the only child.  She invited 5 of her friends,  we ate lunch at their all time favorite place - McDonalds, then on to get - MANICURES! Oh yeah,  they loved it!!

                                           Here's my girl!

                                          
                            Here's her friends:  Abigail and Reagan

                                
                                           Here's Michaela

                                          Here's Faith

And back to our house for cake and ice cream! Yummy! And of course a little sugar high play time! :)

They had a blast! And I am so glad they did!  Before Tay went to sleep tonight, I asked her if she had a good birthday.  She said, "it was the best!" with a sleepy yawn and smile on her sweet face! :)